A Letter to My Father

Dad,
Today is July 11th, 2013. About ten years ago, you passed away in Macau surrounded by grieving friends and loved ones. I held your hand as you crossed over, felt the warmth slip from your fingers, and from that day forward my childhood ended.

Before that time you spoiled me, provided me with everything that I wanted, and also went out of your way to protect me from the world all around. Your capacity for generosity and acceptance to everyone, friends and family, created a legacy that has never been questioned. Indeed, most of your colleagues would agree that you were a giant of a man, capable of extraordinary acts of self-sacrifice and virtue.

I understand that you would not likely approve of the financial expense of this venture. Certainly you would not have approved of the risks and ostracizing that may follow due to its purpose but I know that you would have supported me either way. That part of you that has possessed a love for others is incredible, the love you had your family – especially for yours sons – has always been without question.

Above all else you were a father to me and though I regret not having known you better, I am still very proud to descend from your line. I confess that for some time I resented the responsibility you left behind, hated the pressure instilled by friends and family. Despite these things above all else you would have simply wanted me to live.

I do not doubt that like any child there would have been things you may not approve. I ask only that you look past my mistakes, which I do not question whether or not you will – it was always in your nature to be forgiving. For the longest time I sought to live in your shadow, often seeking that same pride that other sons looked for from their own fathers, but deep within I learned only to live by my own terms. It took me a while before I came to realize that.

It was a frightened boy that left your side those long years ago. It is now a young man , well aware of himself and his own potential, that writes this letter to you.  I have followed my heart and preserved my dignity above all else. There is no doubt that this may bring some comfort to you.

I love you,
Amos

P.S.
I realize that you probably want me to quit smoking, considering that you passed away from lung cancer. I’ll not make an empty promise to the deceased but that will come eventually.

***

Wow. 70th blog post. 3000 individual views worldwide. E-mails from adoring fans and supporters. People inspired to take a stand about their identity in the scene or elsewhere.

What began as an attempt to escape from human errors and problems since evolved into an odyssey of self-discovery, inner wisdom and growth. If that also means feeding and supporting others, kicking douche bags in the crotch, carefully studying the lines of social taboos and human behavior, then that makes it even more worthwhile.

Thank you all for your continued support. I would love to take the time to know everyone following my exploits. Your presence has always brought me great comfort wherever I go. This flag I fly with you in spirit, that is everyone involved, has enabled me to travel across an entire continent; beyond that still, I will be flying this flag until the day I die, proud to have been a part of this movement with you.

I love you all.

Well wishes from afar,
Amos

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