Warning: The following post is considered Not Safe for Work due to graphic details regarding sexuality and fetish. If you are at all squeamish to such things (namely if you’re a member of my biological family) please refrain from reading further. Also hurray for the first of many sexy, sexy entries.
In the culture of fetish, there is an indefinite number of kinks that cater to everyone, no matter how extreme or edgy they may be. Here in this fantastical world of whips and chains, people engage in all manner of activities often deemed taboo by societal standards. Whether a person finds excitement from being beaten or tied up, vice versa or even both, no deviant is alike in one form or another. There is no set guideline on how to perform these acts of debauchery and everyone has a different approach to a kink of one type or another.
The most popular fetish by far is bondage and restraint commonly rope bondage. Other popular fetishes are impact play (the use of floggers or whips), costume play (such as latex, rubber or lingerie), and Domination/submission (having/losing control over someone). In the various communities I’d come across, there have been other subcultures that stem from within the kink scene such as the leather movement, ageplayers, animal players (not beastiality, the ‘human’ animal), and furries. Overall so as long as two people can get together and admit a mutual interest in some sexual activity that isn’t directly sex itself, fetishes will always exist.
My fetish is sensuality.
Sensuality is not limited to physical levels but also mental and emotional as well. It is an intimate form of interaction, stemmed directly from the trust of another person, and focused directly on stimulating them within the boundaries of their limits. It takes careful intuition to the way a person reacts physically and closely monitoring their behavior and reactions as they do. Sensuality requires a deeper understanding of both personal and human behavior and mindset, overcoming inhibitions, and dabbling in the most raw and carnal of interactions.
I describe the form of sensuality to be a form of dancing, a tangent of physical and mental synergy, carefully balancing out the sensations to both body and spirit. When two people dance literally, they synchronize together and match pace, and applied to perfection it can be dizzying to behold. Therefore when two people stride into the dungeon floor, bearing in mind what their mutual interests are, the dance they perform is not unlike an actual one – raw, tuned in, and tantalizing. The irony of this metaphor is that in reality, I am terrible at conventional dancing instead of the one I’m more closely familiar with.
This dance between two people is an intimate one. Like the way a ballet dancer places his/her faith in their partner, expecting them not to be dropped suddenly, a submissive or bottom relies on their Top or Dom/me to do the same. Sensuality is focused on this interaction, for example a soft caress or the sting of a crop. The body reacts, shifting from shoulder to shoulder, gentle sounds coursing from the depths of a person’s throat. Most of the words that prompt or hinder in the dance of sadomasochism are wordless in truth, replaced instead by moaning and cries of ecstasy.
Understanding the human anatomy is key to sensuality. Tender areas such as the kidneys or vital organs can result in critical or even permanent injury. Other times between male or female partners, there is a difference to pain tolerance and erogenous zones from both genders apart. Questions should be raised: Are there former injuries to be aware of? Has my partner experienced some form of physical or emotional trauma, triggered by touching certain body parts or spoken phrases? Are there any boundaries they have with their respective partners? Do they have a nine-to-five job and should I avoid certain marks on their persons because of it? If they scream or even cry, should I stop?
Using these questions as guidelines, like any responsible individual, the dance itself varies between different people and situations. It does not hurt (literally) to differentiate personal methods such as a gentle approach or a forceful one. The body speaks wonders when the voice is silent, replaced by gesticulating movements; a single breath, pressed against the ear of someone at the brink of euphoria, can be equally as efficient as a firm stroke to their backside. Abruptly the dance stops and unseen, one can take their time to catch their breath – silent or distinct – and permit anticipation to develop. On edge, a person can teeter totter in the throes of endorphin, anxious for the next sequence in that dance.
I would divulge the details of my dance methods but frankly that would be spoiling.
Between two people, guided by the length of their relationship together, sensuality can only exist by means of trust and respect alone. The most intimate of lovers are those familiar with their corresponding limits. Strangers, unfamiliar and unknowing, require more time and openness to explore the capacity of one another. Both are delicate affairs that require responsibility and awareness, like the taste of fine wine it should never be rushed in a single sitting. Permit a small taste, allow oneself to be left wanting, and sample only as much as the glass provides, relishing every last drop.
The secret to sensuality is no major one. Taking the time to channel each and every ounce of respect and trust, thanking the person for the privilege of such valuable measures, the words of gratitude are silent yet distinct. Guided by their limits first and foremost, the dance of intimacy is poured from every action – whether soft or hard, random or deliberate. You abandon your inhibitions and express to every caress or pull, the raw form of language known only to people like us – the deviants, the kinksters, and the strange.
Let words be replaced by the growl from a throat, caused by the grasping of hair and flesh; the gasping of delight, drawn from fingernail and tooth, replacing conversation. Permit me the pleasure of hearing silent words, from the form of writhing bodies clothed and bare, be the gratitude I achieve. Let the instruments of pain and pleasure be my pen and my parchment, your body the canvas and I the painter. Let the music be to the sound of carnal and forbidden delights, for the night is young lest we be left in wanting. Dance with me, in light and in darkness, and allow body and spirit to be caught in worship – touching, embracing, and balancing together. Allow me this privilege and I shall thank you for it in the way I’ve always known best, by rope or chain, by control or by will.
The secret to sensuality, the dance I love best, is one inherit in everyone and simply begs to be unleashed. Now what are you waiting for?
Next Update: The Music of KinkFest